I'm not a freak, far from it. I don't cut it according to competitive bodybuilding standards.
It probably has as much to do with personal choice as with my size or my unreasonable reluctance to marinate my ass with lots of illegal chemicals. Since I'm over two meters tall, I would need to weigh about 30 pounds more to get close to the modern, bulky and competitive bodybuilding aesthetic.
I say that I am not a human fire plug, but that is perfectly fine with me. I like to wear a suit without looking like a toll booth with a termite fuming tent thrown over it. I like being able to walk through a door without having to take my clothes off and cover my body with Crisco.
If I had to describe my body type or build, I would have to say that I look more like a soccer player, maybe a close end or the rare quarterback that is in shape. However, I am a big guy for ordinary people on the street and, more importantly, at least a well-shaped guy.
I am also tall enough to be some of it A physical novelty for my non-lifter friends ̵
Aside from stupid jokes, they call me when they need to move a sofa set.
I am just big enough that strangers look at me and think "Meathead". They occasionally try to get me into a conversation by talking about sports or, since I live in Southern California, surfing conditions.
Mongo knows very little about the world, so thanks Mongo for trying to relate to him on a simple level. but Mongo hungry now. Mongo wants to know if you have lunch in your pocket.
I am sure that many of you will fall into the same sturdy dreadnought of a boat.
What annoys me the most is that the non-lifters have been on me at least a few times a year. It's their rationalization for having bodies that have virtually no muscles and can easily be mistaken for one of the spindle-shaped, carcass-like teen lead roles in almost every British comedy on Netflix.
Here is this rationalization that I hear so often: I am sure you will hear it so often:
"I would also look like you if I had the time to train all day."
The hell you could.
But I don’t say that to them. I usually answer with a smile on my face and set off, but in their minds they assume I'm on my way to a three-hour marathon workout, followed by a trip to the wheatgrass stand to get liver and whey drink protein shake.
Mongo one day wants to have a different job as a stock boy at Trader Joe & # 39; s, but Mongo has no time. Very important to train for Mongo.
It's okay. It's annoying, but it doesn't cut my life or anything.
If I were a vindictive or snappy guy, maybe I couldn't make this rationalization happen so easily. If I were a vengeful or snappy guy, I could say something like this.
"Hey Ryan Seacrest, listen. First of all, the idea that I will spend my whole day in the gym. It is ridiculous, all worldly pursuits like friends, hobbies, a job, different passions, business matters, intellectual pursuits and avoid things that are soft and warm with voices like nightingales.
"The truth is that I only spend five or six hours a week in the gym. I can do that because I know what I'm doing. And even if you had spent the whole day in the gym, you still couldn't look like me.
"Sure, maybe you have an idea of what exercise is. Maybe you wear a leotard, a mat sniffing yoga class, where you take a quick look at women who twist and shape their bodies into fleshy pretzels Point body parts fortified with herbal tea to the sky.
"Perhaps it is your & # 39; Tap Kwan Do & # 39; course where, instead of learning how to physically defend yourself, you learn how to get through attackers the enchanting beauty of the tap dance emotionally disarmed.
"Maybe it is the 10 half-naked pushups that you do every morning – those where your manhood is barely grazing the faded shag carpet – that makes you think you know something about exercise, but none of it is really one Training, right?
"To know what I know, to do what I do, you would actually have to read, study, think, and practice. I feel like in tune with my body and the precise motor movements required to perform even the simplest bicep curls like Rory Mcllroy when nailing a chip shot out of the rough or when Stephen Curry fires a 3-point shot of 25 drains. Feet.
"If you were trying to do a real squat or deadlift or curl, you might as well try doing a handstand on a balance beam.
" Oh, you may be able to approximate the movement, but your muscles are going through Inactivity, a sluggish nervous system, and tiny little testicles that were petrified a long time ago are delayed, while people like me are as in tune with their muscle fibers as one of those strange Tibetan monks who can slow down their heartbeat.
"We can get more out of a set of barbell triceps extensions than from an hour of Nautilus pushdowns or NordicTrack Wang Master or other ridiculous devices you have in your Planet Fitness Center.
" You have practically none Knowledge of your body, also not consciously or unconsciously, currently or intuitively. You're like a drunk chimp who got a car and somehow learned to crash forward into the annex by stepping on the accelerator with a long banana. It may not look nice, but yes, you're driving … somehow.
"So don't tell me you could look like me if you spend the day at the gym.
" Besides the factors I mentioned, I doubt you have the drive; I doubt you have the character; I doubt that you have the concentration to focus fully five hours a week on finding the right way.
"People like us have a dynamic that you cannot understand. Go ahead, name us elitists, we enjoy the term. We weren't all created equal with apologies to the constitution. Okay, maybe we aren't really better than anyone else, but what does someone have to do with it if they don't let themselves in for being the best, or at least have the ability to be the best?
"As a crazy gonzo journalist once said: & # 39; Everything worth doing is worth doing right. & # 39; That is the way of thinking it takes to do what we do, princess. So the next time you want to tell one of us, you could look like us if you – after spending the whole day in the gym – want to close your cake hole or prove it
"I wish you a nice damn day. "
But the next time someone gives me the line "I could look like you", I simply print out the insult and lift it onto the perpetrator's forehead. You know, just to save time so as not to interfere with all the long hours I have to spend in the gym.
Fear Is Fuel
It's not just practice