Why try too? Nobody cares about you.
This thought permeates me at least once a day, thanks to my struggle with negative self-talk. And if you're someone who's constantly making vile comments, you're far from being alone. Thoughts like "Oh, you're so stupid" or "You're too fat to wear it" are prime examples of how many of us talk to ourselves every day.
"Negative soliloquy can have a huge impact on your daily life," says psychologist Ashley Hampton, Ph.D. "Our thoughts affect our feelings and then our behavior, which can lead to negative behaviors such as isolation, lack of motivation and the desire not to engage in activities that will make you happy."
Apart from depression and isolation, negative thoughts can lead to physical changes. A 201
(And let's acknowledge that I'm not saying that overweight is negative, I say it was the negative scenario for these participants, be it how much weight you want!)
Negative soliloquy promotes a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies and prevents you from seeing the bright side. Most of us have probably felt their effects earlier. If you say to yourself, "I'll do awful work in the interview, I'm terrible, oh god, let's prepare for this catastrophe," get ready to do a terrible job when the interview actually happens. We think we will do poorly, which leads us to a poor performance, and we believe that next time we will again do poorly.
But instead of settling in this cyclone of sadness, you can change the way you talk to yourself. It's not always easy, but coaches, counselors, and psychologists have some tips on how to turn your Negative Nelly voice into a Pollyanna of Peace.
. 1 Check Yourself
"Recognizing your negative self-talk and recognizing it each time you give yourself a negative message is the first step in minimizing the impact," says life coach Shefali Raina. If you are used to annoying yourself, you may not realize how negative your thoughts are.
Raina recommends tracking down your negative thoughts for two weeks. Just write down each time you say something for yourself. Maybe you have a few lines on one page or an entire magazine full of hate. If you recognize the negativity, be sure to take a good step towards change.
After you've figured out the baseline of the negative self-talk, you want to find your triggers. "In a world where we are flooded with social media and highlighting the roles that people show us on the beach and say they are millionaires, the reference game can sometimes trigger negative self-talk," says Hampton. "The very simple reality is that what we see on social media is, for the most part, not true, or at least not entirely true."
Even though social media is not your trigger (and if not, I recommend you), Hampton says that you always give your triggers a second look. Ask yourself if what you are responding to is actually true ("My girlfriend is always on the beach, she has a better life than me.") Or if you respond to a false presentation ("Oh, wait, she is always) complaining about how broke she is, this beach picture is just one example of a complicated life. "
Reshaping these tricky reactions allows you to distance yourself from these negative thoughts, making it easier for you to spot lies may for what they are Like the great bed Midler once said: "From afar there is harmony, and it echoes through the land." Consider your thoughts from afar, and you will play many more songs of hope and peace and less songs of "Everyone hates me".
. 2 Amber Petty recommends talking in a third person
I say things like "you are an idiot" or "no one cares what you think". But would I talk to another person like that? Nope. I mean, I could say it behind someone's back if really made me angry but someone's face? Under no circumstance!
It turns out that distancing oneself from one's own self-talk can be surprisingly helpful, as a meta-study conducted in 2014 revealed. Participants who referred to the third person ("She is a great person with solvable issues") during introspection were less afraid than those who spoke in the first person ("I am a smart person with solvable problems") ,
This proves that the use of the third person automatically removes these thoughts and allows you to be more rational and less emotional. I mean, if the phrase was, "Can you smell what I cook ," rock would never have become superstar Dwayne Johnson.
Basically, when you speak in the third person, you act as if you are talking to another person. Just as you would not tell a friend, "You look so ugly in this dress," when you use a third person, you're less likely to tell yourself. It may seem strange at first glance, but if you try, you may find it works for you as well.
. 3 Name That Jerk
Raina recommends another distancing technique to tame your negative instincts. Instead of using the third person, Raina says to give your common thought a name. "The naming creates a gap between the message and yourself," says Raina. "It gives you the opportunity to send these negative thoughts aside and bring your fate back under control."
I do that indeed. My negative voice is like a listless Daria or a Goth teenager who wants to sit around and tell me how stupid and meaningless everything is. So, when I have those thoughts, I tell the snotty teenager to put away her black lipstick and pester someone else for a while. And it really helps! Lord knows, I'm not always perfect with it, but it's something I've done lately that makes a big difference.
Or in the words of Katya Zamolodchikova, call your inner saboteur "Brenda" and tell her to shut up. It's a really solid, fun way to reduce stress – and it works. [19459014
. 4 Watch Your Words
After you have perceived your negative thoughts, you can begin to change them. An easy way to get started is to draw a few words from your vocabulary. Counselor Melanie Hall, MA, LCPC, recommends limiting the use of "always," "never," and "should."
"The use of absolute values such as" never "and" always "disempower a person and defeat themselves," says Hall. "For most things in life, there are areas – only a few things are final as long as life is on the move." When it comes to the word "should", Hall says, this word can be punishable and is usually associated with shame and guilt. By taking these words out of your soliloquy, you immediately have thoughts that are less drastic, more balanced, and probably less negative.
Instead of saying, "I should train more," try, "I can train more," "I'll train more," or "I could train more, but I have better." Things that have to do with my life. "The last one may not be the best choice, but certainly my favorite.
Look at the sunny side
Now that you can recognize negative thoughts and make small changes, it's time to make some real changes And when you practice positive self-talk, it's not just a rah-rah BS to feel good – it can really change your attitude, your life, and your actions in the world. Studies have shown that positive soliloquy can even help athletes perform better in high-stakes situations.
So, if you feel weird, try to find little positivity in all your negative thoughts Maybe "I messed up, I'm so stupid", "I'm screwed up and I know that I will not do it again because I'm a smart one Person and a hard worker. "
Now sometimes it's really difficult to switch from darkness to light. But even the transition from dark to neutral can make a difference. Instead of "Ugh, my disgusting fat belly" you might say, "My stomach is big, I want it to get smaller." They are not exactly fartig, but at least they look at the situation objectively and do not feel guilty about feeling worse.
Over time, it becomes easier to turn neutral thoughts into positive thoughts. Who knows, maybe you'll catch yourself thinking, "Wow, you're so smart, you did a great job today," without you being asked to. This may take some time, but this positive attitude can be achieved by working on your Debbie Downer soliloquy.
. 6 Bust Out the Gratitude Journal
To get a general positive outlook, all the experts I interviewed said they would write a thank-you journal. "I encourage customers to write three to five things they are grateful for every day, helping to redirect the mindset so that the glass is half full and not half empty," says Hall.
I've done this before by keeping a journal in which I just cut off three things as if it were such a task, to be asked for gratitude. And guess what? This magazine did not help me. Instead, Hall recommends taking time and really feeling the happiness that things in the magazine brought with it. After a while, you will be looking for the positive things in life instead of always focusing on the negative. And your soliloquy will follow.
7. Make It RAIN
If you ask each of these tips every time you have a crappy idea, you have a lot to ask. Raina recommends the RAIN method to remember the steps to change your soliloquy.
R – Recognize the Negative Self-Talk
A – Accept the Message
I – Investigate
N – Non-Identify with Negativity  Basically realize you are an idiot to yourself, accept that this has happened instead of arguing with yourself about it. Find out if this common thought is actually true, or just an exaggeration or misperception, then distance yourself from the negativity and switch to a positive or neutral.
That still sounds like a lot, but think of the mental health that comes with the negative self-talk. It's exhausting to think of unfriendly things around the clock. As you slow down, analyze your thoughts and go through these simple steps, the negativity begins to fade, and the happier you will appear.
Amber Petty is a writer, headquartered in L. A. and a regular contributor to Greatist. Follow her as she describes her weight loss journey in her new bimonthly Slim Chance column. Join Sing A Different Tune singing lessons and follow her on Instagram @ Ambernpetty.