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Myers-Briggs Relationship Personality: What you say about your partner as a partner

Here are two true things about the Myers-Briggs personality test: 1) A number of social scientists dismiss it as a theory that has little basis in science. And 2) if you take the test and give genuine, honest answers, and not the way that you think a future boss or date would like to hear you, the results make a Lot sense.

In Brief The Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI) is the theory of Carl Jung's personality types used by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Briggs based on how people prefer to interact with the world, absorb information and make decisions hold true. The combinations of these four preference pairs ̵

1; Extraversion / Introversion (E / I), Perception / Intuition (S / N), Thinking / Feeling (T / F) and Judgment / Perception (J / P) – yield the 16 types (ESTJ, INFP , Etc.).

"If typed correctly, you will not be packed in a box, but merely as a blueprint," says Amy Miller, MSW, LCSW, which sometimes uses MBTI's St. Louis single and couple counseling practice. "The MBTI is designed to determine your preferences."

Doubters say there is no evidence that MBTI is actually useful in the workplace (where it's most popular). You can get different results if you repeat the test again, say experts. Some descriptions of the types – "The Logician", "The Entertainer", "The Virtuoso" – sound more like tarot cards or astrological signs than a psychological tool. However, some therapists who have seen it in action say that these arguments have nothing to do with how much it could help clients see themselves and their partners.

"It's almost as if you're getting a diagnosis: If you have symptoms of something and then you have a real reason to experience it, there's almost a sense of relief:" Oh, that's why I think about it or do it that way or feel it, "says therapist Susan Pease Gadoua LCSW, author of The New" I Do. " She does not use MBTI, but she believes that this kind of self-awareness makes sense "People can have more compassion for themselves and for the other person."

What does all this mean for your own relationships and the personality of your true or ideal partner, rather than going through the 16 MB types that are actually [19659007] would read like an astrological map, Miller led us through the four dichotomies, in this way, if you are absolutely sure that you are an ESFP with an INTJ, or you just have an idea of ​​your intuition preference (see what w ir did there?), this can be useful knowledge. At least, this is another fun way to analyze yourself and your friends in a chair.

Extraverts and Introverts

The dichotomy with which people are most familiar does not measure whether people can socialize well or whether they are tolerating time alone, energized by external interactions or their inner world. Once people realize what they are, Miller says, conflicts in a mixed E and my married couple are not a big deal.

"If you're an introvert, you and your extrovert partner may need to take separate cars to a party because they may want to stay and party all night, and you might be ready at 10:00 PM," says Miller. "They both came in half the battery life, they are introverted and now at zero, their partner has now passed the time of his life and the battery life is 100 percent."

Gadoua believes that such a compromise is far more effective than expecting your spouse to change according to your needs. "When I work with couples, I actually point out that instead of trying to convince their partner to be more like them, each person's responsibility is to meet, hear, and hear the person in the middle to acknowledge them. " 19659007] Sensing and Intuition

MBTI is about whether you tend to capture information with your five senses linearly and literally (sensing), or rather deal with abstract concepts and ideas. with broad strokes, language figures and nonlinear styles (intuition). Miller has seen that these conflicting preferences cause the greatest conflict when it comes to romantic relationships because they communicate so differently, it's almost as if they have different native languages. In trying to talk about their relationship, the person could stuck with the perceptual preference in a detail and the intuition preference person would say, "That's not what I'm talking about, they're worried about the wrong things." "Miller says.

S and N pairs are not a lost cause as long as they are willing to recognize each other's language barriers." If you understand that very well, you just need to know that your person is communicating that other way preferred and endeavored to make things meaningful to them, "says Miller.

Thinking and Feeling

More misunderstandings arise from this area, which measures how people want to make decisions." People with feeling preference decide on values, Empathy, intimacy, and other people, "says Miller," People with a thinking preference withdraw from their feelings and look at things through the lens of distance and objectivity. For someone with a feeling preference, someone with a thinking preference can feel cold, if only logical. And for someone With a thinking preference, someone with a feeling for preference looks too picky or too tender. "

Recognizing your partner's preferences can help prevent you from hiring him personally, and at the same time, Gadoua warns that the conversation should not end there."

"People can be completely behind hide a label and use it as a reason they do not have to change, "she says," I think that's a real downside to relationships. If you understand yourself and your partner and are ready to make some changes, you can have a fulfilling relationship. Well, too bad, that's just me, "then that's not ripe in a relationship."

Judgment and Perception

The official MB language is somewhat misleading in this category, as it is actually more about how you prefer to shape your life in the outside world rather than how you judge others or perceive. Straighteners plan and structure their lives, arrive punctually and keep their rooms tidy and functional. Perceivers are more fluid in time and space, which means they are messy and will not complete tasks until the last minute when they receive an energy boost. This can be a recipe for frustration in a relationship between a J and a P.

"The J will be like" How can you not notice that this must be done? "And the P would say," Well, I noticed it, but it did not seem urgent, "says Miller, who happens to be a J, who is married to a P." The only thing that really bothers me is, sometimes, that I have to lie to my husband at what time the daughter's office appointment is, just to make sure we're out the door and I'm not crazy and scared. "

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If you're not in a relationship, Gadoua does not think anyone can intentionally search for the personality type you're looking for is to find perfect harmony. "We are unconsciously attracted to something that feels familiar. That could be the opposite, and it could be the same guy, "she says." If you have a parent who is the opposite, as is often the case, you'll probably be drawn to someone like this. I think that trying to manipulate who you are attracted to would not work. "

And how boring would that be?

Sabrina Rojas Weiss lives in Brooklyn, surrounded by her freelance writers and Her work has been published on Refinery29, Yahoo, MTV News and Glamour.com The views expressed herein are her own and are to be taken with a grain of salt Follow her on Twitter @ shalapitcher .

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