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I'm fine with my husband's work destruction

  Unfaithful man with his girlfriend looking at another girl

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My husband has a crush. I know that she likes his cologne and the blue shirt he's wearing for important meetings, and that not only does he enjoy her appreciation for these details, but also that he has noticed some details about her. I know she's dark-haired (like me), pretty (okay, like me too) and naughty (not at all like me). I know this information because he shared it with me – and because this is the last in a long line of swarms that ultimately fuel our relationship.

People get weird when they wander around pretending that the next thing to do is to follow. Door to cheat. "Why look elsewhere?" They scold. "Am I not enough?" However, I have long believed that looking at other places could prove threatening, both directly and indirectly, for the long-term health of our relationship.

As it turns out, that's how it is. Dr. Jennifer Gutmann, Clinical Psychologist and Author of A Path to a Workbook on Sustainable Life Satisfaction says admiring an asset from someone else, uh, assets can help keep relationships healthy in three ways.

It may be a wake up call or a reminder of the good things you have already tackled.

According to Dr. Guttman: "Sometimes it's easy to focus on the negative qualities of our partners and then try to look at the positives in other people." That's why she suggests not focusing on what looks good elsewhere. Turn that inward focus and "look at what other people might not have." When you look at the hot yogi next to you in class, you're wondering if he has the humor or skill of your partner in bed. As attractive as they may be, they are unlikely to be paired with a shared love of Monty Python or an innate understanding of what appeals to them.

It's a reminder to take care of what you have now.

You know how people say the grass is always greener on the other side? Fantasies can be great, but at the end of the day, the person you admire on the other side of the fence is still flawed and human. Like Dr. Guttman explains, it's easy to find excitement in novelty – it tends to fade after being known. Instead, look at your curiosity to take care of the grass you already have.

"Just because something new is appealing does not mean that the original relationship [with nurturing] can not become something new and shiny again," she says. This kind of care often comes from trying something new together and making the exciting freshness a shared experience, be it climbing or admitting a previously hidden kink.

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This is an opportunity for self-reflection.

Am I worried about the work of my husband who is at work? Your appreciation for his Cologne reminds me that I think it's hot as well.

"Sometimes we like different qualities in people as we learn more about ourselves, and sometimes the qualities that we retain like, "notes Dr. Guttman," If you can not overlook the merciless negotiating tactics of a colleague, ask yourself if your Kenner actually lacks this property, or if you, like Dr. Guttman says, "They just have not seen it anymore." "Maybe it's just familiar.

I know what that blue shirt looks like on my husband – hell, I bought it, so it's possible for me it's been a while niger time no longer actively noticed. How can this issue be resolved? When he was wearing the shirt again, I told him I could not wait to get rid of him that night.

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The End Result?

There's nothing wrong with looking casually, seeing someone who's interesting, and wondering what's under those clothes or what the person might be doing when they're out there A minute or two of imaginative miracles can bring some excitement, or even a necessary verification of reality, to an established relationship, occasionally taking the risk of falling victim to routine sluggishness.

However, remember that if If you are dealing with fantasy lessons, you need to loosen up your partner, we nn you catch them. The fact is, I remember one very good-looking gentleman, whom I saw from Rome on one train, and another whose sexy accent enlivened my work days for several months. Did I have some distracting thoughts? For sure. But that was all – thoughts. As long as we clearly separate the thoughts and actions, there is no reason why we can not both enjoy the benefits of an extramarital visit.

* This author uses a pseudonym to freely write privately matters.

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