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I love when friends are on me. Here is the reason.



To all people who have ever quit me at the last minute. , , Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We ate lunch in the books for weeks and you email me an hour ago and say, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but …" Well, I turn around in my office chair and triumphantly pump my fists tell me you have a family emergency and can not drink anything tonight There's a 20 percent chance you'll make it, but I do not care Thank you, thanks, thanks for that sweet relief.

It's not so that I do not want to meet, I do, and we have things to discuss, but my excitement meeting me is always overshadowed by the excitement I feel when we do not. [1

9659002] But … why the JOBCO (joy of being canceled) Do I have undiagnosed social fears and am relieved that I do not have to perform? (I do not think so.) I just JOMO, the joy of having something miss? (No, I really want the admin Or my brain has become so accustomed to my over-planning that it comes to a stress response, such as the neuroscientist of Duke University and Member of the Advisory Board for Men's Health P. Murali Doraiswamy, MD, suggested to me ? "Too many discussions can worsen the time pressure and bring the brain into a state of learned helplessness, especially when we're at the end of the work." Or maybe I'm actually angry. According to psychiatrist Drew Ramsey, MD, also an adviser to MH the relief can mask the hostility and resentment that I feel because all the time I've devoted to preparing for the meeting does not respect it has been. "You've been preparing for it in the last few days, right?" And now it does not matter, and if you're dealing with a chronic demolition, you do not have it either. "

Maybe? Nevertheless, it would not offend me, because I only feel relief – a little ecstasy. Therefore I do not feel so bad when I quit against other people. I think I give them a present. Even if I quit five times in two months, as I did with Jesse Gerstein, the restaurant journalist I've known for more than ten years. Jesse is one of my favorite people. He never seems to sell me anything. And he asks me for lunch (always in one of the fantastic restaurants he represents: il Buco, the Modern, Sfoglina), without a clear agenda. Jesse asked me to have lunch, even though I was between two jobs. He spent a lunch trying to figure out what my next job would be. (He's a solid guy nobody should ever refuse.)

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Jesse recently invited me for dinner, we settled on a date, and had to cancel a few days earlier, it was fine said Jesse When I canceled again (this time for lunch) When I canceled for the fifth time, he said it was alright!

But was it?

"I would be lying if I said that I never feel relieved when someone cancels, "Jesse said to me," but it depends on when people cancel and what they cancel for, I go out a lot, so the chance to be home with my kids and on my couch to eat Chinese takeaway, not big Always a bad thing. "

What did he think when I kept quitting?

" We are the most planned, overburdened, overstressed society. Sometimes people just want to have one night off and it's nothing personal. I just want to get something back in the books. "

The books. I always hated the books. The relationship plans. The calendar of interaction. The books try again and again to organize and arrange my friendships – both personal and professional. When one refuses, things are restored to a natural state characterized by flexibility and agility. Freedom! And the victory. It feels like I scored a goal at the last moment. And the books are losing.

My interview with Jesse about this whole thing never made it into the books. It happened because I sent him a text message asking if he would have time to meet this week. His answer was efficient, elegant and honest: "Now?"

Now ?!

We made it live. We were meeting in a bar and talking great. It was organic and human. And productive. We are over-planned and over-planned, and we are looking for more time, and we are looking for it now. It does not matter if we come out of something or get into something. The relief could be that we are now experiencing something immediate.

now? Now is perfect.


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