Photo: Instagram / @ diaryofafitmommy  The first time I felt confident about my breasts was in 2011. I had just started my fitness journey and had lost 45 pounds , My body changed significantly after I had lost that weight so fast. My breasts were one of the first things to go. At that time, I still learned what it meant to be "healthy" and focused more on how I "looked" than building a sustainable lifestyle. Implants would be a good idea – they would spice things up between us ,
After some research, I found a plastic surgeon in the area who recommended buying 400 cc Mentor Silicone Gel Implants, which would push me a 32 DD. I felt that this was the answer to all my problems. I realized only a few years later that I was wrong.
Getting Breast Implants
Things changed both physically and mentally for me when I woke up from my surgery. For starters, I felt like I had a weight on my chest and it was a bit hard to breathe. In fact, I had pain for over a month and felt unwell. But when I first saw myself in the mirror, I instantly fell in love with my look. I felt confident. I finally felt good. I remember thinking that I had made a great decision and that this would do everything that was wrong in my life right.
It's amazing what you can hide behind a smile. In social media, we often see the highlight roles of others, but rarely behind the scenes. As a teenager, I tried to kill myself. I struggle with depression for as long as I can remember. Child abuse, bulimia, alcoholism, bullying, divorce and self-mutilation have weighed heavily on me and only aggravated my depression and anxiety. After having children, I had to deal with a postpartum depression that is rarely talked about. I do not think depression is really cured, but I think it's more of what you need every day. As a personal trainer, it's just as important to stay mentally healthy. But why are the media focused only on external fitness such as thin legs, abs and a flawless face? Should not we investigate what's going on in you? Last week, my depression was worse. I do not know why, but I did not feel so social. Instead, I just want to take a nap and not talk to anyone. I had to force myself to break away and seek support from my husband and friends, because it's never good to be alone. Instead of articles about how quickly you bounce back after a pregnancy, etc., I wish the media would make mental health viral and talk about it. It is not just any illness, as everyone does. I take antidepressants every day and have done the therapy. I am not so perfect and I have problems every day. But I also know that I'm not alone. Many of you ladies are probably fighting the same fight. Depression is ugly. But you can stand it and live your best life. There will be days when you feel less than others, but do not forget to get up, put on your armor, and keep fighting. Fitness helped a lot to overcome my depression! After a good workout, I feel much better immediately. I hope I can start doing yoga more soon to learn meditation and control negative thoughts. Anyway, I was not particularly active on the last day and wanted to tell you everything that I'm going through. I hope you have a good week!
Over time, I quickly learned that this was not the case. In the next few years I was divorced, remarried and became the mother of two children. I also became a nurse, a personal trainer, and started developing my blog, Diary of a Fit Mommy. As I continued to learn about health and wellness and what it really meant to appreciate your body, I felt that my implants were no longer consistent with my beliefs and what I was preaching to my followers and personal training clients. I was a completely different person than when I got my implants, and that starts to weigh heavily on me. (See: This woman wants you to know that losing weight can not make you magically happy.)
The Infinite Symptoms
After I gave birth to my first child, I was diagnosed with depression. In terms of mental health, my fears and depressions were off the charts and physically I was just exhausted and got hair loss. In the beginning, I experienced everything until birth, but my symptoms did not disappear until after my postpartum period.
WHY I WANT TO REMOVE MY IMPLANTS + ONE WEEK AFTER THE EXPLANATION ON THE blog? The full update + pictures can be found at diaryofafitmommy.com/blog. I can not believe it's been a week. In the last week I was sore, but I felt incredible. More than in recent years. I became practically bedridden and had more energy to live. Chest pain is over. Shortness of breath is gone. Bad body odor is gone. The inflammation decreases rapidly. I feel spiritually clearer, but I'm waiting for it more. Acne clears up. I have color in my face again. My weight has finally gotten bigger in MONTHS for the first time. I'm still tired, but I guess my body will be cured of the surgery. My husband said I had not been so talkative in months, and I guess I'm not so worried and depressed anymore. The toxicity of the implants themselves (ingredients in my blog post) + My body trying to fight the foreign bodies claimed a tribute this year, causing me to remove them. I ate healthy, practice regularly, but nothing would help me. I saw so many doctors and did so many tests without answers. I felt like a hypocrite and a cheat because I preached in a natural, healthy and organic way every day and yet I was sick of silicone and a bad choice I made 7 years ago. It was at the point where I could not exercise anymore. I was so sick. I felt like an 80-year-old when I was only 29 years old. I feel freer than in such a long time. I thought I would cry when I see my new breasts, but I did not. It feels great to be smaller again and they fit my body. I never thought I would say that, but I love my new (old) self. Crazy, that I had to run all this around to get back to that point. You really do not value your health until it is endangered. While I'm still healing, I'll take it easy. I still can not raise anything (including my children) until one month after surgery. My cuts are in my fold so that you can not see them (great work @ jchunmd1). It looks like I never had implants! Many thanks to all who supported me on this emotional journey. I will release another one month post op update which will be released in a few weeks.
. Over the years, I noticed sporadic chest pain. It would take about 30 seconds and then disappear. At regular intervals I would have a brain fog, forget the most basic things and try to do my job. I would break out too, which I did not do when I was younger. Not only that, but I've gained quite a bit of weight, and no matter what I did, I could not make it move. Still, I still counted on everything to be a new mother, to fight depression, to grow older and, well, life.
It was not until this year that my symptoms took on the worst. Until then, I could live my life as a mother, wife, trainer and influencer without much hiccups, but I felt my body slowly worsen and I could not bring myself to do anything.
My brain fog came to the point where I tried to make sentences. I stopped lifting weights six months ago because my joints were so swollen. I could not even get my wedding ring. The exhaustion was so extreme that I would go to sleep all night and all day and still feel dizzy, as if I was sleepless. My husband, family and friends did not recognize who I was. I myself could not believe that this was my life. (Related: 7 symptoms you should never ignore)
At this point, I wanted answers. Something was wrong with me and I had to know what. So I decided to write down all my symptoms and do some research. After some digging, I found that autoimmune disease was the best explanation for what I felt. So I decided to see my doctor and have some preliminary examinations done.
Finding a Answer
After explaining my symptoms to my GP, he suggested that I begin a blood test. When the results returned to normal, we tested my thyroid gland and checked autoimmune markers. Again nothing was wrong.
Then in August, I decided to share a post about my breast implants and plastic surgery in general. Many women sent me messages and praised how great my breasts looked after breastfeeding. I did not want them to stay in the dark. (See also: This influencer opened the decision to have their implants removed and breastfeed)
If you are into a plastic one Go to the surgeon's office, mark your body exactly as it depends on what you are doing. I know. Once I was there All markers represent what is not "perfect enough" to accept on our own body, whether it is the breast (), the nose, the body fat or even the abdominal muscles. I remember sitting in the surgeon's office seven years ago, hoping to have a better feeling with bigger breasts. However, cosmetic surgery does not make you feel better. You only feel better when you start accepting things that you should not change at all. If I could go back and say that the 21-year-old girl is waiting for her breast augmentation, I would yell at her that she is perfect. I would tell her that she does not have to be cut like a slice of meat. I would tell her it was not worth it. I would hug her. Crying her I would tell her that she was beautiful and did not have to. Why am I posting this? Because millions of women and men struggle with the seductive idea of being trapped. They make it look so gorgeous and amazing! But what if I told you that women who get breast implants statistically commit suicide 4 times more often? They would think differently, right? Since my surgery, my depression and anxiety have worsened. The ability to accept myself has deteriorated because you want MORE. This could be a triggering message, but I urge you to love yourself. No body deserves to be marked as if it had to be changed. It's humiliating and it's never a good feeling. I'm not totally against plastic surgery, but I can not say that I'm really in favor of it. To each his own. But I want you to take a good look at this photo for a long while, taking in the cut lines. It is sad, right? We feel so much pressure to be perfect because plastic surgery is the norm. Yes, implants, liposuction, liposuction, rhinoplasty, eyebrows and even chin jobs are the norm for many Instagram influencers and people in general. That's why I urge you never to compare. Do not follow anyone who is "too perfect" for you. Follow those who work for your mental health. You're worth it! You do not need fixation.
I wanted everyone to know that I have implants, but also that I have plastic surgery The answer to your body image problems. I talked about how my fears and depressions have worsened since implantation and that I could never have had them if I could return in time. I wanted to share with people what I had learned over time: Changing oneself physically is not a quick fix for what's going on inside.
What I did not say was all the other symptoms I experienced because I did not think back then that my implants had anything to do with my feeling. Several hundred people commented on my post and asked if I had heard about Breast Implant Disseness (BII). This term is used by women to describe a range of symptoms, including fractured breast implants or allergy to the product. Several women whose implants had been removed began to share their symptoms, and I was shocked at how similar they were. Several people also shared a link to a Facebook support group for women who thought they had BII.
More than 50,000 women had joined this site, and there were threads in threads of people who had the same symptoms as me. In addition, most of these women had blood tests, were screened for autoimmune diseases and were faced with dead ends. I finally found people who could relate to what I was going through and that made me breathe a little.
Learning about the Disease of Breast Implants
Joining this group gave me the last extra push I needed to remove my implants. I knew that from an emotional point of view, I did not want her anymore, but if there was even a 1 percent chance they could cause my symptoms, I wanted her out.
That being said, I was generally skeptical of BII. As a nurse, I did not like the fact that there is no definitive test for BII, not to mention that it is not even widely recognized in the medical community. At the same time, however, there were thousands and thousands of women who felt exactly how I felt without answers, and that was more than enough to give me a semen. (See also: Is breast implant disease real? All you need to know about the controversial condition.)
When I brought BII with my family doctor, he had never heard of it and honestly had nothing to say about the possible Side effects of implants. So I decided to visit my original surgeon to talk about being removed.
When I described my symptoms and shared what I had learned about BII, he quoted a lot about how and why silicone implants are completely safe and that there is not enough evidence that they exist at all. It was obvious to me that he did not believe in it. Anyway, I said that I was interested in getting explants, but he tried to convince me too, said I would look "disfigured" without my implants, and I should consider a fat transfer if I'm still want to go that way.
I was disappointed with this appointment – not only because my doctor did not want to give me what I wanted, but because my symptoms and the way I felt did not seem to matter. When I was discouraged, I knew that I needed to find someone who was at least willing to listen to me and my worries.
H. Jae Chun on a website with surgeons who only perform explants. During our first conversation about the process, he told me that I was not the only person who had come to me with the symptoms I had shared – both emotionally and physically – and that it was the right decision for me, to remove the implants it was probably my body.
I have learned that the explant procedure itself is quite simple and would take about an hour and a half. And ICYDK is not just about removing the implants, but also about the so-called "capsule". When implants are first inserted into your pectoral muscle, your body naturally forms scar tissue to protect your body from them. They are foreign bodies at the end of the day. If the implant seldom ruptures, this tissue can help prevent its spread to the rest of the body, which can be toxic.
After learning all this new information, I flew to Newport Beach, California just two weeks ago to finally have my implants removed. When I was preparing for an operation, I was just as nervous, if not more nervous, than almost ten years ago, when I was getting my implants. Before I went inside, Dr. Chun, he would take out my two implants in one piece and make sure nothing is left behind. Although I had tried not to arouse my hopes, I could not help but think, what if that does not work? What happens if I still feel the same when I wake up? Part of me had actually expected to be disappointed, as I had done so many times before.
After the surgery, Dr. Chun, that he could remove both capsules in one piece and there was no leakage. He found, however, that my capsules had gone into my armpits, one of which was attached to a large blood vessel and restricted the flow.
When I woke up, I took my first breath and felt my lungs expand at an angle. So they had not had in years. I no longer had the feeling that an elephant was sitting on my chest. I remember looking at my husband and smiling. I knew that even if this did not solve all my problems, I made the right decision and decided to go through the process.
A New Beginning
Since removing my implants, I have lost 5 pounds in just nine days – two of them alone from my implants. While I'm still sore and tired, I've already noticed that some of my symptoms are improving. At the beginning, my chest pains have disappeared, I feel less bloated and inflamed, my acne has disappeared, and my skin actually feels a bit oily, which it has not had for years. Not only that, but my husband said that I had not been so talkative in months, and I guess I do not feel so anxious and depressed. Regardless, the progress I've seen so far is amazing. So many women say that their symptoms disappear immediately. I just could not believe it was true until I experienced it myself.
When I went to practice, I did not know what I would look like after removing my implants. I knew that my breasts looked flabby on the top, that I could develop stretch marks, and that I had noticeable incisions within my natural fold. But when I saw myself in the mirror, I did not cry. I did not freak out. Instead, I felt grateful that I was finally my natural self. Something I wish I had been all the time.
While it's early, I know my implants make me sick. Time will tell if they are the root of all my symptoms, but so far it certainly feels that way. If I have learned anything in this whole process, then you must be a proponent of your own health – especially as a woman. If you feel that something is wrong with your body, it is probably more likely than not. So watch out for your symptoms, look for doctors who take care of what you go through, and above all, who believe you. At the end of the day, only you can do what is really best for you.