It's a bit crazy that getting out with your therapist is one of the things it would be really good to work with … a therapist. Most of us do not like hurting the feelings of others, and if you have to part with a therapist, you might be afraid that you will do just that. Imagine this: If you separate yourself from your therapist, you will both be released from a situation that may not be productive. Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. Psychologist and author of Get rid of the fear tells SELF.
"Just as therapists are absolutely human beings and their feelings can be violated, [you can] they shift the framework of what it is about," says Chansky. "It's not about hurting this person, it's about what you need."
Below are some clues that you should consider breaking up with your therapist, and some tips to stop it to make all participants as painless as possible.
Here are some indications that it may be time to break up with your therapist.
. 1 Your sessions do not make you feel better overall.
Ideally, you would always go away from the Therapy and feel that your therapist has taken some of your burdens that have not been added. In reality, it is normal for the feeling of therapy sometimes to be annoying due to the emotions that the process can trigger. This is different from the feeling of being in distress every time (or almost every time) when you go because your therapist does not listen to you, does not respond to your needs, or helps you use tools to work with them Kind of emotionality deal with discomfort.
"If you routinely leave a session that feels worse than when you arrived, it's a red flag," says Chansky.
. 2 You do not feel like you are growing.
After you start the therapy, hopefully, over time, you will see a change in yourself. Marni Amsellem a clinical psychologist at Smart Health Psychology, tells SELF. It is not an immediate thing; It depends on the topics you want to work through, the type of therapy in which you engage, how committed you are, how competent your therapist is, how often you see them, and more.
There are no fixed rules on how long it will take for the therapy to feel like " ", but Amsellem generally says, "you should rather see something of the therapy sooner or make a difference. " It could even be the encouragement to know that you are working with a professional with whom you are emotionally clicking. If you do not feel that your therapist is motivated or able to help you progress, maybe it is time to continue.
Rachel B., 28, had seen her therapist for a year and demanded actionable advice she did not receive. This was one of the reasons she finally dismissed her therapist. "She would let me talk things through without much reaction," Rachel says. "Compared to other therapists [I’ve had]it did not really feel like the best approach for me."
. 3 You do not trust your therapist.
One of the main points of therapy is the opening. If you refrain from telling your therapist about your thoughts or behaviors, it may hinder your mental and emotional growth and create an inappropriate dynamic, says Chansky.
Remember that it is part of your therapist's profession that you are responsible, which can sometimes be uncomfortable. It can feel really strange to essentially pay someone to call you for shit when needed. You may be a little reluctant to be honest about aspects of your life that are hard or shameful. Therefore, it is up to your therapist to create a safe, unobjectionable space in which you feel that you can still address these issues. If you can not do it, how will you handle it?
. 4 It is almost impossible to see your therapist regularly.
Therapy Problems can also be logistical. "You may have trouble scheduling this person – they did not change the evening hours, but that's all you have, or they move their office to a place away from you, and they do not offer a remote control on. options, "says Amsellem. "If you can not meet deadlines, maybe it's time to look elsewhere."
. 5 Your therapist is not prone to your identity differences.
You may see a therapist whose identity differs in almost every way without being a problem. However, if in therapy you are talking about aspects of your identity that your therapist does not share, such as: For example, your race, your gender, or your religion requires your therapist to muster an additional level of awareness and sensitivity in their sessions.
"If … you feel that you do not really appreciate the knowledge of your culture and your background, speak to it," says Chansky. "It's okay to decide that this will not be helpful to you."
Luis M., 29, was in this situation. "I am Puerto Rican, I speak with my hands," says Luis the Self. Luis also had ADHD and says that a former therapist routinely interprets his hand gestures as "fidgeting" rather than expressing his culture. "She did not understand that at all," he says. "I was so frustrated that I had to be like this all the time:" Hey, that's how I talk. It is cultural. Let us go on. "
. 6 Your therapist is not receptive to constructive criticism.
You should feel comfortable raising constructive criticism with your therapist so that you will feel unimportant or rushed if you regularly start late for the appointment.
"In good therapy, it's ideal that … [your therapist] does not get mad at you and thank you for choosing yourself," says Chansky. If they become defensive or completely ignore your criticisms or wishes, this is absolutely a valid reason to go to therapy elsewhere.
. 7 You feel that you no longer need therapy.
"We do not always end the therapy because it stops working," says Amsellem. "Maybe we'll finish it because it worked ."
If you feel that your therapist has taught you everything you can, it may be time to discuss the treatment. 19659031] Ready to break up with a therapist? Talk to them first.
Instead of just ghosting, you should address the problems you need to see to solve, that you can solve them without going to someone else.
Amsellem suggests starting with something: "I had something to talk about. My therapy goals are [insert said goals here]. I am worried that we will not meet her together. Is there a way we can help achieve these goals?
As part of this conversation, it may be helpful to set hyperspecific progress metrics that you would like to see in a given time. You can decide if you should leave your therapist forever. You may want to do this with your therapist or privately, depending on the situation.
If your therapist does not seem receptive to your points or you find that nothing changes, even if you've addressed him, you can try find another therapist . Depending on the urgency of the problems you are working on, you might want to detain another therapist before you stop him, says Chansky.
"Sometimes it can be comforting to visit another therapist before continuing to make sure you're covered," she says. "It really depends on how acute the problems you are dealing with are. If it is an acute situation, such as severe depression this will be very important. "(You should not stop visiting a psychiatrist who administers all the psychiatric medication you are taking or wants to lose taking self-medication .These situations may affect your safety and may require you to have an expert first.)  Even if you've decided to make enough progress to stop the therapy or need a therapist If it's logistically easier to visit, you should talk to your therapist to see what he thinks or if he has advice. You may be able to refer them to someone who fits logistically or processually better.
Separate yourself personally from your therapist if you have been seeing him regularly for over a month.
Honestly, this part is like ending a relationship with someone you have . The time you spent together determines a lot about how you should break up with them.
Amsellem says it is best to personally perform the separation during a session if you have seen your therapist. longer than a few weeks. Not only does it help close both, but it's also a good challenge to end things or annoy someone. "Many people are very conflict-avoiding, and this is a good skill you can practice," says Amsellem.
Ideally, you would have already told your therapist why you were not satisfied with your sessions, so the separation is not correct. It's no surprise. Here are some suggestions on what I should say with the kind permission of the experts:
- "I would like to end our cooperation because I have different goals at the moment."
- "I really appreciate the cooperation that we have made together. I realize that I need something different now, but I appreciate your willingness to help me. "
- " I think I've made great progress in our time together, and I think it's time for me to keep going. "
- " A few weeks ago I mentioned [insert concerns here]. I do not see enough change to understand that we continue our sessions.
Depending on the state of your mental health and the advances you have made or have not yet made, your therapist may agree or may want to talk a little bit about it, understand your position better, and give you professional feedback about yours Give choice.
If you've only seen your therapist for a few weeks, Amsellem says you probably do not need to meet in person to officially end your sessions. If you do the above suggestions by email or by phone, this is usually fine. However, in this case, it may be helpful to share your concerns with your therapist, rather than simply choosing not to see them. In just a few weeks you will still get to know each other. Your therapist may be able to more easily correct the course or explain why you do not see big changes, for example.
Even if you're absolutely sure that Ghosting is the right choice for your situation, you should at least call the doctor at the front desk and cancel any upcoming appointments so no no-show fee will be charged.
At the end of the day, remember that the therapy is for .
If you feel like you do not get what you need to get out of therapy, that's often reason enough to try and see someone else. Therapists should have their best interests in mind. Even if a therapist is no match for you, if you're good at your job, you should not be able to personally take over the breakup.