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5 ways to deal with professional jealousy (or any envy)

Let's face it, we're entering a recession. Getting your career started and feeling good about it has never been so easy, but in an unprecedented global economic downturn, cards may feel stacked against you more than ever.

In connection with the American disposition to make a career of identity and self-worth, we are facing darker times, both professionally and mentally. Employment opportunities are dwindling. Mass layoffs have already started. And yet your friend / former employee / cousin still seems to thrive on Instagram? What?

Regardless of the market upheaval, this feeling of professional jealousy is unfortunately an ever-present problem. Social media doesn't help the problem either. In the end, you can compare yourself with colleagues, colleagues and people you will never meet due to a lack of information.

Before you dive headfirst into a pit of poisonous energy, you should pause and remember that despite the individualistic ideas of "workism" you alone are not 1

00 percent responsible for what happened to your Career happens.

Take a step back and prevent yourself from combining professional performance with self-worth. You are not your job. Your job is not you. You don't know how much you earn, what title you have or not, whether you can afford the rent for the next month or not. You are just you.

Sara Kuburic, the Canadian psychotherapist and academic researcher behind the popular Instagram account @ millennial.therapist, says the core of many people's problems lies in the fact that they are unsure of how to define themselves, or what their values ​​are.

Kuburic's customer base mainly consists of 20-year-olds who are struggling with life changes. Her report promotes healing and tips for self-awareness in bite-sized pieces that are shaped by her background in trauma-informed therapy. "The whole culture of comparison is based on the fact that we are not fulfilled or now we know how we have to be fulfilled," says Kuburic.

We know that serious self-work and progress are non-linear, but it is still difficult and even more difficult to accept immediately.

"Professional jealousy only stops when we feel fulfilled in our own lives," she says. This stop only comes when someone understands his basic beliefs or knows what fulfills his life – which differs from person to person.

To get to the heart of your jealousy and tell the story about you, Kuburic gave us five tips.

Let's begin your journey to overcome feelings of inadequacy in this turbulent economic period in world history. [19659012] Kuburic encourages you to redefine what happened to you to confirm your own sense of value and worth. Instead of feeling like a failure or thinking, "I don't have a job, I won't be able to get another, I'm a loser," she says instead, saying something like, "No, the corona virus happened and it did really derailed my professional path. It changed my career. “

This not only enables people to confirm their feelings, but also to recognize that many circumstances are not their fault at work.

“It is important to recognize your own sense of value. “Cubur States. "I may not be where I want to be, but that doesn't mean I have no inherent value."

In your opinion, the fact that others have value should not affect your own value . "It's not" If you are successful, I'm somehow less, "says Kuburic." Realizing that you have an inherent value and learning, no matter how well you do, can help you overcome this hurdle. "

In Kuburic's practice, many customers often list their values ​​and combine them with their basic beliefs. What makes a good life?" It boils down to things that are most important to you, "says Kuburic." Is it authentic? It flexibility at work? It helps people? It is essentially what drives you. "

For someone who has difficulty comparing himself with other people who make more money, she offers this train of thought:" I understand that Billy makes twice as much money as I do, but I chose this job because it allows me to live my values. ”

For you, the highest value may not be the money you have in the bank , but for Billy it may be, in both cases both you and your hypothetical friend live out your values. You shouldn't try to mimic someone else's values, as they may not match your own, she says.

The term negative self-talk of a therapist refers to a self-deprecating inner dialogue, which according to the inner critic comes from Kuburic. If they are not activated, negative self-talk affects our perception of who we are, our self-esteem and our feeling of success.

"If you can't control this inner dialogue of" you're not good enough ", professional jealousy will always be a problem," she says. To close the gap between you and your inner critic, she suggests recognizing and acknowledging things you have already accomplished.

Kuburic also encourages customers to identify their emotions in their comments and stop saying, “I am I will not get this role. "To" I'm nervous that I may not get this job. “Even reformulating small statements is critical to dealing with feelings of professional jealousy and inadequacy.

"They don't allow emotions to define experience," she says.

Before you even start comparing yourself, Kuburic says that the first thing you should know is what success means. To help customers identify this for themselves on their travels, Kuburic often asks customers to imagine who their future self will be, 5 or 10 years later, both professionally and in other aspects of their lives.

She also recommends reading books, speaking to colleagues with whom you may be vulnerable, or asking others who admire how they define their own success. "Visualizing yourself and stepping out of our personal vacuum can guide us and be super helpful," says Kuburic. Once a clearer future "successful" self is defined, it can be easier to work towards it.

"Whatever the tangible angle, you can examine that," she says. "It can be a way to boost your success." It returns to the importance of defining for yourself what your values ​​are.

"You will only feel successful if you live your values," says Kuburic. "If you are not, no matter how much praise you get, you may not really feel fulfilled."

We all have people in our lives with whom we speak, but they may not always be the best for our sanity. To really get to the bottom of professional jealousy, it may be important to re-examine who you are with and how you feel.

If you're not sure if you have a healthy support system, Kuburic says, you don't have a chance, but that shouldn't be a cause for concern.

“Define yourself how a support system should look like. It will look very different depending on your personality and needs, ”she recommends. “We think that a support system is a passive, random thing that happens to us. Sometimes it’s not. We have to achieve that and build for ourselves. “

Do the people you turn to for support give you permission to be yourself? Do you feel that you have your interests in mind? " The way we feel in this relationship is a great indication of what it is," says Kuburic.

Starting a new support system may not even require you to meet new people, but instead redefine who your support system is and in what special capacity. "People don't have to be very close to you to be your support system," she says. "It could be your mother, your boss. It could be a professional mentor. “

According to Kuburic, these five tips are just the beginning of a longer journey to clarify for yourself what satisfaction and success mean. Are you ready to check boxes or climb the career ladder? Or would it affect your ability to live a life full of creativity or flexibility? This balance must be decided and discovered by everyone.

There is no quick fix for deeply rooted, socially motivated feelings of professional inadequacy and insecurity, but there are solid ways recognized by the therapist to find this out.

For anyone who has the means, affordable online therapy options like BetterHelp and Talkspace can help you find a mental health provider to explore this one-on-one conversation in the age of physical distance.

Speaking specifically to millennials Like herself, of whom she also says that she is a generation that offers more comparison options online than ever before, Kuburic also emphasizes humility and research and wonders: "What is my life really about? ? "

Her last words on humility: "Why should you also know everything in your 20s and 30s? And if that were the case, what a boring life."

Patricia Kelly Yeo is a freelance writer and journalist for health, food and culture. She lives in Los Angeles. Mostly find her professionally on Twitter .

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