If a person is unwilling or unwilling to have a baby, an unexpected pregnancy can be devastating. Probably someone you know will someday experience a surprise pregnancy. According to a 2011 study in the New England Journal of Medicine of 2011, which examined the most recent available nationally representative data from various official sources, approximately 45 percent of US pregnancies in 2011 were unintentional. Of course, not all unplanned pregnancies are undesirable, but in some cases they are.
If a friend of yours is pregnant and has opted for an abortion (19459012) (or tends to be a person) You probably know how they can best be there for you. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this.
. 1 First, you should withhold all assumptions.
This is the most important thing to keep in mind when your friend reveals his pregnancy news, Dr. Gillian Dean, Senior Director of Medical Services of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, told SELF.
You might think Your friend would like to have an abortion of or pregnancy until childbirth, but you can not really know how they feel – or anything else about the situation – until they are it Tell it for sure.
Instead of responding with something like "Congrats!" Or "I'm sorry," answer with a non-judgmental query to get a sense of where your friend's head is, clinically psychologist Lisa Rubin, Ph. D., a professor of psychology at the New School and former chairman of the Committee for Reproductive Issues of the Society for Psychology of the Wife of the American Psychological Association (USA), says SELF. She recommends something like, "How are you doing?"
. 2 If it's hard for you to be there for your friend, explain it the loveliest way you can.
Maybe if you were pregnant unexpectedly, you would never get an abortion. The right thing for you is always a valid choice, but that does not affect what is right for another person. "Only your friend knows what's best for her," says Dr. Dean. " Every situation is different. "
So, if you're against a friend's abortion, if you can offer some kind of support, without judgment, Rubin says," For example, you might want to listen to your friend without her. " but you can not accompany him to and from the procedure.
If you can not do it impartially, it's fine to say for the sake of your friendship, Ruby says That's something you really think hard about, and though You can not talk to them about their physical autonomy, as it probably only causes distress for both of you.
3. Emphasize that this is only your choice and only you.
Your friend can do it ask for advice, but this can be an incredibly difficult situation, this decision is personal and should be taken carefully – not influenced by you or anyone else. "Your goal is e It's not like convincing them in one way or another, "says Rubin.
So when they ask what you think they should do, they reject it with compassion and respect. Instead, you express confidence in your decision-making abilities. Helen L. Coon a Colorado-based clinical psychologist specializing in women's health and mental health reports SELF. She recommends something like, "You've made good choices before, and I trust you'll do the best for you."
You can also ask thoughtful questions that can help you feel safer in both cases, says Coons. Some possible questions: What are you worried about most? What are the pros and cons that weigh them? Do mixed feelings confuse her? Does the person who has her pregnant know? Are there important people whose fear they have to say?
. 4 Suggest that you associate resources with them when they appear frightened or unsure.
This is a particularly good idea if your friend is under intense pressure to get an abortion or to be pregnant by other people or by yourself, says Rubin. Coons recommends that you help your friend find Mental Health or other healthcare professionals specializing in pregnancy and abortion.
Ask your doctor, family doctor, the local health center where abortions are performed, or the planned parenthood for references. The National Abortion Federation (NAF) is a great way to find providers. Resources such as your local abortion clinic or planned parenting may also offer in-house counseling.
. 5 Make sure that all the clinics you are considering are not crisis management centers.
Depression Pregnancy (also known as CPCs) are family planning clinics that offer counseling and other prenatal services from an abortion position. As reported by SELF these centers are often advertised as non-judgmental medical facilities for women who may consider abortion, although many of them are in fact unlicensed, religiously affiliated organizations. While they refuse to provide information on how or where abortion can be achieved, there are reports that CPC patients are concerned about the safety, accessibility or legality of abortions.
For all these reasons, are not a helpful resource for someone looking for unbiased advice or information on where an abortion can be performed. NAF is a great resource for that, but not exhaustive. If the clinic you are considering is not there, even a negative rating is a reason to be suspicious because the clinic is stacking the deck with false positives, Rubin says.
If the clinic has a website, you are looking for red flags, such as: For example, information about abortion (or "" abortion counseling "and" abortion alternatives ") does not actually indicate that they offer abortion services anywhere, Rubin says, and sentences like" emotional healing "and references to religion may be other red flags, as well Presence of misleading information (such as pointing out that abortion increases the risk of infertility what safe and legal abortions do not ).
If you are still not sure, you can call the clinic usually "evasive of whether [they] actually offers abortion services or the cost of services, and encourage you to come to a sonogram and pregnancy test," says Rubin, or ask if they have a licensed medical service provider who work on CPCs may be lying to it, but if you look at all these asp You can get a better sense of whether they tell you the truth or not.
. 6 Find answers to your questions about this process.
"Unfair laws, abortive stigmata and deep-seated health and economic inequalities make it impossible for some people across the country to make their own decisions about the continuation or termination of pregnancy. Dr. Dean says. "Accurate information can help them make the best decision for their circumstances and enable them to be mindful of their health." That's why Rubin recommends asking if your friend needs help finding information about the process.
Rubin declares to raise financial concerns and help them deal with organizations that are working to reduce this burden, such as the National Abortion Fund Network . If you are worried about local laws that could affect the process of abortion, read the informative guide of the 1945 by the Guttmacher Institute on this topic.
Getting information about pregnancy and abortion can be overwhelming does not always find science-based, accurate or pro-choice resources. Rubin suggests helping your friend distinguish between factual and false information. For example, if their parents warn that abortion will trigger depression tell your friend from science that a desired abortion has no negative impact on mental health ] 7. If they wait Before an abortion is performed, suggest ways in which you can pass the time.
26 states require a waiting period of 24 to 72 hours between the initial consultation and the procedure, according to Guttmacher Institut . Or maybe your friend will theoretically get an abortion right away but can not take a break for a while.
Whatever the reason for the delay, help your friend wait for him if he has a hard time, if he has a movie marathon project, craft project, or some other distraction. "Sometimes, when you wait for the procedure, the distraction is one of the best medicines," says Coons.
. 8 Offer to accompany her to a surgical abortion or to hang out at home during a medical abortion.
Your friend may want to have you as much as possible by your side, or he prefers total privacy. The best you can do is offer them the opportunity to decline.
If your friend has a surgical abortion at a health center, ask him if he would like to accompany you to and from the procedure. (Depending on the type of anesthesia your friend receives, it may be necessary for someone in the clinic to go with him, so it may be helpful to do this in advance.) You may be allowed to or recovery room with them to the clinic and your friend about this possibility. In general, abortion may require a lot of waiting time so you bring along things that you both deal with when it is necessary.
If your friend wants to go alone and prefers to do so, you can arrange transportation by ordering a ride or sending a Venmo to cover the cost.
Let's say your friend has a medical abortion at home. Offer to be there when you are ready. (Side effects such as pain, bleeding and nausea occur after the second pill causing cramps to survive pregnancy.) Perhaps you can offer sleep so you can be on hand as needed. Even if you want to be alone or with someone else, a grooming pack of painkillers, pads, heating pads, desserts, and your favorite flowers – or whatever you know what they love – can go a long way.
9. After the abortion check in. Then you check in further.
Just because the procedure is finished does not mean that you should stop. "After your friend has an abortion, the most important thing you can do is to listen to their needs and continue to be a supportive friend," Dr. Dean. "Maybe your friend wants someone close to his abortion. You may want to rub your back, make hot tea, watch your children, bring them comfortable food, or rest.
If your friend longs for time, give them this room. Rubin, however, recommends offering offers if they change their mind. Try something like "Can we make a plan for you to contact me if you do not feel right?"
10. Assure them that, although they feel, it is completely valid.
Your friend might feel relieved and excited to continue living. They could feel sad and wished that they did not have to make the choice. Or they could feel a mixture of many emotions. Try to help them let go of their expectations by reminding them that this is their experience and only them. "Sometimes people talk about it as if all abortions are the same," says Rubin. "But there is not a single way to experience […] abortion."